Your phone number

The details: Blank Brewing Your Phone Number IPA, 7% ABV, served in a 12oz can.

One way to sell me on a beer is with an interesting label. Another way to sell me is an interesting story. But did I really just buy this beer because of breakfast cereal?

When we were kids my brother and I weren't allowed to have the same sugary cereal at the same time. This is to say that if we were at the store and I wanted Cookie Crisp, my brother would have to choose something else. You see, we fought over the simplest things, and my mother knew that different cereals would stop us from throwing things while half asleep at breakfast.

As far back as I can remember we were always able to choose whatever we wanted for cereal. I've always held a soft spot for the simplicity of Frosted Flakes, the psuedo-healthyness of Cracklin' Oat Bran, or something that makes great cereal milk like Cocoa Pebbles. Yet the king of all breakfast cereals has to be Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Don't try and argue that with me, I'm not hearing it.

The whole reason I bring this up is that I was never a big fan of the fake fruit flavors in cereal. I've never wanted Apple Jacks, Froot Loops, Trix, or anything like that. There's just too much fake going on in that for me. That's why I asked the guy at the beer/Big Green Egg shop where I bought Your Phone Number very directly: "Does this beer taste as awful as the stuff described on the label?" He said it didn't, so I bought it.

Blank Brewing doesn't have a website because I don't believe they're a full fledged brewery. They made this beer at a place called Dorchester Brewing in Massachusetts, and they're a combination brewery and contract brew house. If you're a homebrewer and you want to take your production to the next level, you pay the folks at Dorchester to brew and can beer for you. I think it's an interesting concept, but then you end up with beers like this.

The label is very difficult to read, but it states clearly that this is a "Malt Beverage with natural flavors, artificial flavors, and Yellow #5." You can see why I was hesitant. Was I walking into something closer to Smirnoff Ice than an IPA? As you continue to read the label it lists those ingredients: water, malt, hops, yeast, lemon, cherry, orange, lactose, sugarybreakfastceralwhichcontains: FD&C Yellow #5, FD&C Blue #1, FD&C Blue #2, D&C Red #40, FD&C Yellow #6, turmeric. 

From what I can gather (and it's not much), this is an IPA brewed with actual breakfast cereal. It's had added flavors like lemon, orange, cherry, etc. to make it taste like kiddie breakfast cereal. Without beating about the bush, the guy at Smyrna Beer Store was absolutely and totally wrong. This isn't a good beer, this is garbage in a can. It just goes to show you that a good laugh carried too far into reality will make a beer that isn't worth the can it's been put in.

The verdict: 2.0 out of 5 (on Untapp'd - follow me @slownumbers to see what I'm drinking!)