#61: "I've Got A Secret"

I received some information last night that I wish I could share with you all. I'm not able to mostly because the situation is still evolving, and thus the information is best kept secret at this point. That's hard for someone that write about life once each week.

Keeping things to oneself in the long run just isn't healthy. Bottling up things that have to be talked about will drive you mad. I want to draw a line though between things that are truly secrets and those things that are just private and aren't worth bringing up. I think you can hang on to something that's private and it's fine; a perfect example of this is when my wife asks me how I'm feeling. There are times that I've taken a knock at work, or I just feel run down, or maybe my stomach is unsettled. They aren't secrets, they're just private, and I keep them to myself. Besides, if I'm feeling gassy I just wait until the opportune moment and fart on my wife; I don't need to tell her it's coming.

Secrets are like trying to contain an explosion in your mind. There is flak that has to have somewhere to go, and it'll stay inside your head and bounce around. It's going to injure you, but you can try and get out of the way of most of it if you open up.

I've been a weekly reader of PostSecret since I can remember. It's been well over a decade. When I first discovered it I spent a long time thinking if I had something worth sending to Frank. I didn't. I tried, but I took it seriously and if I sent something fake I would be the one that would know - and it would be gaining a secret instead of releasing one. Turns out that after all these years I've had one thing happen to me that I've felt like mailing away. It was right about the time I moved here to New York. I've never seen it on the site. It might never have even been delivered. Either way, it's gone from me.

I've had a few secrets that I didn't share fast enough, and while that regret felt like the albatross at the time, I must admit it's lightened over the years. Sometimes things will trigger those memories and the bird comes back, but it's not around my neck very long. The winds of life shift and we keep sailing on.

When I'm able I have no doubt that I will write about this secret I now have. I'll need to let it out so I can properly deal with it, because keeping it in my head won't do anyone any good. While we're all waiting you could go read something classic. Or not. But don't worry, everything is going to be OK.